How to Be Defeated From
the Start: The Beginning of the End
(Genre Reflection #2)
First, try sleeping. Toss and turn. Try counting. Count the
days of school you have left. 187. The beginning of a new year. Fall asleep.
Turn off the blaring alarm. Roll out of bed. Grab your crooked, half broken
glasses. Put on pants. They’re inside out. Try again. Look at the clock.
Fifteen minutes left. Go time. Turn on the coffee pot. Burn the coffee. Grab a
water bottle. Slip on your flats. Race for the door. Forget that you left the
dog outside.
Enter into the desolate hallway. Smile politely at the janitor.
Get stopped by the principal. Who decides to discuss the new Common Core
Standards. Listen to his ignorant
commentary. Keep smiling. Just. Keep. Smiling. Slowly creep away. Mutter
something incomprehensible.
Inspect your list of newcomers. Note the ones you’ve heard
stories about. Have visions of desks being thrown. See a “Kick Me” sign in your
near future. Prepare for battle. Get out syllabi. Open the door. Smile warmly
at the sour faces. Ignore the kid who stepped on your shoe and spit gum on the
floor. Breathe. 186 days left.
Talk about the importance of grammar. Listen to the boy in
the back snore and smack his head on the desk. Laughter erupts the room. Keep
calm. Continue on. 64 days left.
Admire the spring trees bloom outside your window. The countdown is on. Bump into a student in
the hallway. Take notice of the tears coming down their eyes. Sense
frustration. Ask the student if they’re
okay. Look into their eyes. Feel compassion. Know something is not right.
Invite them to your class. Let them speak. Let them be heard.
Realize students are human beings. Recall the reasons why you
went into teaching. Allow the faint distant memory of the moment you knew. When you once felt a passion for what you do.
Try not to forget, students are human too. The difference starts with me and
you. Try not to be tainted by the everyday view.